Layoff Lament
What would have been my 1st work anniversary at my last company is quickly approaching. I cannot believe how fast time has flown by since I was laid off at the end of September. While I am mostly at peace with their decision, and ready to move on, I have been finding myself in my feelings lately. This blog post will probably be a little short and all over the place, but I just wanted a place to vent.
Layoffs Suck
I mean, the heading says it all. Whether you're a remaining employee trying to pick up the pieces, or unfortunately the one let go, the situation honestly just sucks. I've often felt "survivor's guilt" after losing teammates in the past — sad that they're gone, but ultimately relieved to still have a job. And now, being laid off myself, I feel more expendable than anything.
Since the end of 2022, it seems like every week (and in some weeks, every day!) there is a new mass layoff announcement. It can get pretty depressing scrolling through LinkedIn sometimes. And it seems like no company is safe from it; big or small, profitable or not. I've even read horror stories about employees having their credentials revoked before learning that their company is downsizing. Thankfully that was not my case. But man, the anxiety of an impromptu company-wide meeting is all too real!
And even if you're told that the decision is economical and not performance related, it's still a tough pill to swallow. I can definitely say that they let go of some pretty talented people! For me too, I was still a relatively new hire at the time, so I can only imagine that was another factor. Nonetheless, I am so appreciative of the support I've received since that terrible day from friends, family, and former colleagues.
Taking a Pause
I decided to take a break after being laid off for the remaining of 2022. And yes, I realize how priveleged I am to be able to do so. I figured that hiring plans would be slower during the holiday months, and wanted to make the best of a bad situation. But the more I come to think of it, I was really grieving in that time. Not so much for my old position, but for the institutions I once believed in. Of course I still want to work hard, and create cool things, but I've come to accept that employment is not a meritocracy. And that my career is not what defines me.
Now that it's 2023, I've begun interviewing again for my next role. Rejection is never fun, but I try to use it as a learning opportunity. That said, the hiring process feels totally different than even a year ago. And the pool of talent is vast! Part of me wonders if I waited too long to jump back in, but I honestly do not regret the time I had off. I really needed to process my feelings and recharge. Better yet, I also had the chance to work on a couple personal projects that I am excited to tell you all about another day.